So you’ve made it through your pregnancy, you can see the end in sight, your little bean is technically full-term but they ‘ain’t going anywhere. Here’s what you need to know about those last few weeks:
- Forget sleep – for at least the next five years.
- You will feel like you are holding a cat in a bag hostage as your bean runs out of room and brings a whole new meaning to scoring a spare (rib).
- When experiencing Braxton Hicks do not describe the feeling to your drummer husband as ‘my stomach feels tight as a drum’ he will try to play it.
- Meals out are a thing of the past – oh by all means go out, but forget about eating all of your meal, for about the next two years. At this point the acid reflux and reduced space is as limiting as your bean will be when they arrive.
- The lavatory is your best friend – You will see more of the porcelain than your friends and face it, the toilet takes all your crap and doesn’t talk back.
- If you once loved the feel of silk against your skin, forget it, it’s jersey and stretch material all the way now, that includes joggers. Nothing else fits!
- Your insides squelch like that episode of Life in The Undergrowth when David Attenborough stalks a Giant Earthworm.
- Laces, what are they? I can’t see them anymore. You’ll consider going out in your slippers just so you don’t have to try to find your feet to tie your laces. Don’t do it, this is the beginning of the end!
- You will be the ultimate grouch! You thought you were grumpy before but with muscles spasms, acid reflux and no way to get comfortable at night, your partner may feel asking you if you’d like a cup of tea is the equivalent of bear-baiting.
- REMEMBER: If you didn’t experience all of the things above, you wouldn’t want to finally bring your little bean into the world (or at least that’s what they tell me)